Heaven

As my head is spinning aroung in circles, I look up, I can't say no. Your hands on my body, shivering, how could I resist?

But I have to. It is against all rules after all. I'm not the only one. She means to much to me. How can I say yes when I risk to lose her?

But how can I say no to you? You're like heaven. All I ever wanted, and even more. You're not like everyone else. You like me. And I you.

But noone can know. Never. It's too risky. What if she finds out? Not even you can know. It has to be my secret. The world must be blind, and I a liar. It is for the good of all. She must never find out.

As my head is spinning in circles, I look up, I have to say no. I push you away, I pretend I don't want you, I let her notice how I avoid you. I let her think it's because I don't like you.

Knowing it will hurt you, I let you think the same. Because you knowing the truth will hurt even more. And it will hurt her as well. I cannot allow that to happen. You cannot know.

So I watch you from a distance. Imagine your hands on my body, my head starts spinning. She notices, and I lie. I tell her it's your friend. Everyone already thinks it's him, and her most. She belives me.

And so she will never find out. She can't see the truth. I lie to well. And so you will never know the truth. You can never be mine. I have to say no. Even if I can't.

Because saying yes is even harder.


 "Alice"