On Stranger Tides

Oh what a wonderful life. Hunted by everyone, yet loved by more. Sailing the seas forever, looking for hidden treasures. Fighting with swords, being crazy, drinking rum and having fun. Having a crew. Someone to do everything they are told. And a cool one too!

The glory of being Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah, I love Pirates. And Sparrow is the Pirate above Pirates. With his inzane jibberish, the odd way he walks and runs, not to mention he's ingenious ways of getting his way. Gotta love that.

I did love the three first Pirates of the Caribbean movies. But there was something about them that I didn't like. And as much as I like both Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom, the drama was so annoying.

So I'm really looking foreward to the next one comming, where the only drama will be the childish quarrel between Captain Sparrow and Captain Barbossa. Lovely!

I have always said that Jack makes the movies. There would have been no success to the movies, if not for the perfectly played role of Crazy Jack. Johnny Depp really is the best actor I know. He know how to do everything! And of course if doesn't hurt that he's really good looking.


So to the point; can't wait for On Stranger Tides!!

  "Alice"

Pointless point

The point of pointless points are simple. They are pointless. Therefore there's really no point in making pointless points. Except that they are pointless. Which means that "pointless" actually means "one point" (that it's pointless) and not "no point".

Which kind of takes away the point of pointless points. You know, since pointless points are suppose to be.. pointless. And now they are not anymore. Because they have a point. That they are pointless.

So back to the point of pointless points, I don't think it is that they are pointless, but that people think of them as pointless. Cause I don't really think any points can be pointless. Whatever pointless point you say, you can find some kind of point in it. So then it's not really pointless.

Yet we call it a pointless point. I think it's because we find it pointless as it has nothing to do with what we ourselves care about. Cause the truth is, we are really selfish. So what does have a point to someone, may be pointless to us. Or have no point to us, I should say. So we call it pointless, even though it's not to someone else.

I do think that the point of pointless points are that it passes time. It makes people smile and laugh, call others stupid (there's the selfishness again) and it passes time. That's the whole point of pointless points. It brightens up someone's day. And that gives the completely pointless point, a huge value.


It gives the pointless point a valuable point, I should say.

  "Alice"

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'm gonna;

Put a smile on my face as I jump out of bed way to early and really tired.

Love the feeling of hot water running down my body in the shower.

Eat a good, healthy breakfast.

Dream a good dream while sleeping on the bus. 

Actually concentrate in class.

Have fun driving around town and not run anyone down or get annoyed with my teacher.

Try to not spend to much money on food I don't need.

Spend my free-time working.

Get to class on time.

Go shopping for my sister's birthday present.

Listen to way to loud music on the bus home.

Not go to sleep the second I get back home, even though I'm gonna really want to.

Not go sit by the TV the second I get home just cause I promised my self (and the world) I wouldn't sleep.

Do some of the work I was supposed to do today, and yesterday, and the day before that.

Blog, something long and funny with no point what so ever. And with lots off pictures that has nothing to do with what I'm writing about.

Not complain about anything.

Go to bed (and actually sleep) early.

And just in general have one pretty amazing day. And I wish you the same! 

  "Alice"

You better love me

I walk up the street proud of who I am, yeah, you better love me. Cause all I am, and all I do, you know it's for you. And I walk around town, they stare when I pass, and they better love me. And they don't.

But you, you know me! You aint gonna get away with walking around like that. Calling me cheap and stupid. Telling me I changed.

Hell yeah I changed! I stopped being your little brat! And you know I'd still do anything for you, but you're not you anymore!

What happened to you? I still know you as well as anyone does. I know who you've become. I still know you better than anyone does. And you think you can get away with that? Hell no.

You come to me, and complain about my fucking change, when you're you again. When you don't judge anymore. When you remember, who you hate and who you love. When you're no longer Miss Popular.

You never liked those people. You never cared 'bout what they said. They could never change your opinion. So what happened? What made them so bloody much better than me?

What made you choose the cool kids over your best friend? The one that knew you for as long as either of us can remember. What happened to me?

Now I'm not good enough for you anymore. I need to change. Because you don't want to have to listen to them calling me names. And you agree with them. So do I.

But I don't fucking care what they think. They can walk around calling me whatever they want! And they say they are your friends. But they don't know how much I do for you. How much I give up. And they don't like me.

And now you're their brat! I don't care who you hang with. I don't care 'bout what you do. That's not my bloody problem. So get it into your head. If you have a problem with me, walk away.

I can take it. I'll be here when you come back. Cause you will. I know you. Sooner or later, it'll all come crashing down on your head. I'll be here.


But I'm not gonna take this crap. I'll listen. And pretend to care. But don't expect me to change. This is me. And you better love me.

  "Alice"

I wish

 Every night I lie in bed and think about you. Every night I lose hours of sleep, because you invade my mind. And I wish you were here, lieing in bed next to me, holding me. Every morning, when I wake up, I wish, when I open my eyes, I'll see you.

You occupy my dreams. Always. I think about you always. I can't concentrate. Imagine you and me together. Noone else around. Just us. I wish.

The two of us, must be meant to be. I long for you, every wake moment I long for your touch. Every night, you're all I want. And more. I need you. 

I wish. Even as I sit here, I wish. Maybe you'd text me. Maybe, if I wish more. If I'm enough. If I could be to you, what you are to me. I wish I was.

I wish I am. I hope I am. Then we can be together. Then my dreams will come true. Then I would no longer lie awake at night, wishing you were there, holding me. Cause you would be. And I would be happy. I wish I was.

I love the way my skin crawls when you look at me. The way I shiver when we touch. I love how I can't get you out of my head, even when I try. And how my heart starts beating faster, just thinking about you.

And me. You and me. It feels good. It feels amazing. And I love it. And I wish. I want. I hope. I need.

See me. Good. Now come get me. Now. You and me. We could happen. We can. And we will. I wish. Because I want. I need us to happen. So I won't lie awake every night, wishing you were there holding me. So I wouldn't wake up every morning wishing you were there when I open my eyes, when really, I know you won't be.

So I could know, you belong to me. I want. And I need to know. I need you. And I wish. I wish you were already mine. 

And I wish, every night when I think about you, that you think about me to. Then some day, maybe, there will be a you and me. Then maybe, my wish will come true. 

I wish. Because I need. And I want. All my hope. Some day. Some day, you'll be mine.

  "Alice"

ERROR

Apolegizing for running away (...), I just had to block myself completely away from everything for a little while. No facebook, phone, twitter, blog, skype, msn, nothing. And I did get through a cuple of the books I've been working on (and not opened) for the last few months. 

This easter, until now, I have done pretty much nothing but read and clean. I got about 100 pounds in Smiley Green (that's my saving frog), and in 10 days, I will get another 100 to feed him with. I finally got the stuff I've been missing from my last trip abroad. I found some cool old stuff while cleaning. 

But best of all; at this exact moment, I don't have any overwhelming drama to complain about! This is just awesome. 

Also, I am at this moment really tired. I barely slept at all last night. But that's ok, cause then I'll (hopefully) get my days back on track. Like, not go to sleep at 6 in the morning, and wake up at 4 in the evening. Unless my mom wakes me, in which case I'll walk around half asleep all day. And not get anything done.

Does sound like me. I like me. (Bragging-moment) I'm always completely relaxed. I never stress out. I get annoyed, but it doesn't bother me. I get pissed, and I don't let it out on anyone else (except maybe my wall). I don't care if my friend starts dating my ex, or if someone calls me names. I'm so the opposite of a dramaqueen. 

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not the person to get on the wrong side of. Hurt my friends, and you're lucky if you don't get to see tomorrow, cause if you do, tomorrow's gonna be worse than hell. Ending up in the Devils personal torture chamber would be like a Holiday in the Sun. 

Problem would be it hurting you would hurt my friends to. ERROR ERROR SERIOUS BRAIN DAMAGE. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. To me that is. ERROR ERROR YOUR HEART IS TRYING TO BURN IT'S WAY OUT OF YOUR CHEST. Awesome.

Talking of Errors, I've found facebook quite interesting lately. You know, all the
deleting your breasts - error, file is to big

deleting your brain - error, file does not exist

deleting our friendship - error, file to deep

They are kind of cool. I like them.

What I don't like is all the

OMG, stop doing/saying that, it can sound racist/mean/whatever, you can hurt someone

And that whole bunch of crap when it's something as cute as

if you have a sister or brother on facebook, and think you are better than them, put this on your status, if they don't comment within 10 minutes they agree

  "Alice"

Deleting love - error, file broken. Awwww <'3

Deleting you - error, file has to much body-fat. Hahahaaa

Deleting my butt - CANCEL! I love it to much

Deleting all our bad memories - error, file does not exist

Deleting good music from the world - error, file in use. (It's me)

Deleting bad music from the world - error, file in use. Really? your taste sucks

Deleting fun from the world - error, file already removed

Deleting me - CANCEL! (what, this time it wasn't me!)

Deleting you - error, file to smart, pretty,awesome, cool, hot, beautiful, good, so on and on and ooooon

Deleting the world - error, already deleting. 

Deleting your addiction - 100% removed. (yeeey)

Deleting my addiction to you - error, file to big. (NOOOOO! )= )

Deleting Alices World - error, file not found. (Hmm... Oh I know)

Deleting my imagination - error, file to crazy. (Well, maybe I don't)

Deleting my rudeness - error, file to old

Deleting my childishness - error, file is playing hide and seek and is impossible to find. (I kick ass)

Deleting your lovers - error, to many files

Deleting cookies from the Cookie Monsters life - error, IT'S THE FU*KING COOKIE MONSTER!!!

Accessing your heart - error, file not found. (what did you do, cut it out of your chest?)

Accessing my heart - error, file not found. (... *Angel look*)

Accessing our love - error, file deleted.

Accessing my imagination - WARNING: this file may contain inappropriate content, are you sure you want to continiue?

    yes - WARNING: you may get lost and never get out, are you sure you want to continiue?

    yes - WARNING: accessing this file may lead to permanent brain damage or other disability, are you sure you want to continiue?

    YES - WARNING: you are entering this file at own risk, are you absolutely completely sure you want to continiue?

    YES! - file accessed, good luck.... loser

Accessing your pants - error, file to big

Accessing your bed - error, bed taken by some random dude and your girlfriend. Sorry.

Accessing my sleep - 92%, to finish you need to close all running programs

Lost

As I have mentioned before, I barely ever have time to sit down with a book and just relax anymore, and even though I still don't have the time, I really need it. So no I'm taking my time, and setting it off for only me to use.

I'm going out for some day's, I'll be back. In the meantime, have fun, live life and try not to get lost in the maze.

  "Alice"

Hell

 I wish I didn't care. I wish I could just forget. I wish I didn't have to feel this way.

I don't know anymore. It hurts. It didn't before. I mean, it did, in some ways. But not this way. Not this bad.

And noone knows. Noone knows the torture I put myself through, watching you, forcing myself into looking at you, and pretend it's all ok. Smile like I always do. Pretend I don't mind you.

Maybe if you knew. But you don't. You won't. I will go through this torture. I will pretend to be fine. I will not care. I will lie, smile, laugh, fake it all.

But I really wish I didn't care. Like I pretend I don't. Like you think I don't. Like all my friends think I don't. Usually nothing matters. Usually I don't care.

But you, I can't forget. It hurts, every time I see you. Every time I think about you. I avoid pictures. I avoid talking about you, and listening to them talking about you. It hurts.

Yet, you're not the one that hurts my heart. You're the one that hurts my... I don't know. I can stand the one that makes me want to rip my heart out.

You're hurting my friends. And I'm doing nothing. I'm not standing up for them. Why not? Don't I want to? But I do. This feeling is proof.

I want to yell at you. Tell you exactly how much you make me hate you. Tell you how my hate burns holes in me. And yet I can't.

You are her friend. It seems she is in the way of everything. She's in the way of my Heaven and in the way of my Hell. I don't mind hurting people that hurts my friends. But if I hurt you, I hurt her as well.

I don't know what to do. I don't want this feeling. I wish I could like you. You're a nice guy, for most. But you  hurt my friends one time to many. And I don't know.

I really don't know.

  "Alice"

Numbers

I see all these numbers, floating around in my books, years connected to people. Some of them seem so close to eachother. So little time. The lives they represent, the life of the name they are connected to, so short.

It makes me wonder where they are now. Or where I'm going. When I'm going. I'm not scared of death, but looking at those numbers, still make me nervous. I'm not sure why.

And as the numbers connect the people to time, and time is what defines their wisdom, I wonder if my numpbers some day will make me wise, or only a fool, a follower maybe. Am I ahead of my time, am I lost in the past, or just stuck in the moment?

I see how the numbers affect how the names make themselves known. The higher the numbers, the closer to todays knowledge the names are. What knowledge will be identifyed by my numbers? Will my name be one of the remembered once, written down together with those numbers? Will my mind live forever?

The thought somehow makes me feel free. Alive. Not scared, but nervous. Someday, I will be nothing but a name and some numbers. Those numbers, I hope, will not be my definition.

I want to be defined, not by my time, but by eternity. Past, presence and future. I wish not to be stuck with my numbers, my years and my time. I wish to go beyond them, be different. I wish for people in the future who sees my name, to wonder how I could have those numbers. Think I was not connected to my time at all.

I don't want to be a follower. Still, I don't think I want to be followed. I want to be heard, not seen. I want to be remembered, but not known. I wish only for a name in the future, and my life now.

And the numbers. They connect history. They connect people. Ways of thinking. They are the veins of the world, as we are the heart. If we are the lock, they will be our key. And they frighten me. Because, without the veins, the heart in itself, is worthless, and without the key, the lock useless.

  "Alice"

The creature

I know the most gorgeous creature. The smile, the silent growling when it's having a good time, the lazyness. It cannot fight, has absolutely no idea how to use it's claws, but it can run. It runs faster than anyone else I've seen. It outruns them all. I know the most gorgeous creature. He's a good hunter, sweet as can be, glamorous and loved.

So spoiled. I bet as a human, he would have been one huge ass. Big brat. He eats of the dinner table, he gets water and milk straight out of my glass (once I'm finished with it), he can wake me up at 5 in the morning on weekends just to be let into my room for 10 minutes (long enough for me to fall asleep again) and then wake me up to let him out. He's allowed all and everything.

I know the most gorgeous creature, as he walks, runs, jumps. The perfect balance, the soft, long, grey furr. The light green eyes and pointed ears. Cute paws and long tail. He's mine because he loves me (because I spoil him). If I go away, he'll miss me. He sleeps in my bed and sits in my window.

I love watching him watch whatever's going on outside my window. He looks so exited. So... ready to jump. Yet, when he gets the chance, he'll just sit there.Watch. Not move a millimeter. But he looks so awake, so ready to attack.

And when he's sleeping. He just lies there and looks adorable. The sweetest thing anyone will ever see. And then he starts moving from the crawled-up normal possition and over to his back, slowly, and he looks even more adorable. It's amazing. I'm in love with this thing.

And when he's hyper, in a playful mood, and he's sitting in my brothers office chair, and then starts cramling his way around it and up the back of it and scratching his way to the top; not climbing or jumping, scratching, one centimeter at the time. And the crazy look in his eyes, mouth half open, teeth hanging out. And how insulted he is when I laugh at him.

I know the most gorgeous creature in existens. He is everything and a bit more. Yet, he's not really my type of guy. Guess why?

What is he?

  "Alice"

Kings and Queens

I think sometimes what were thought of the big lords of old, when they were little children. Were they loved, said to have the destiny to one day become the best king their people had ever seen? Or were they doomed to fail?

Or what about the bad kings? Those that only lost land, was hated, got their people killed. Could people see how bad kings they would grow up to become? Did the people even think they would ever become kings?

But most, I wonder about Queen Victoria of England. The woman that had 1/4 of all dry land on earth in her power. She buildt the greatest empire of all times during her 63 years on the throne, and the second her throne was passed on, her son started losing land. And the empire of England was never the same again.

How she did it I don't know. She was so powerful, so strong, so clever. She had it all. How men could ever make themselves belive they were stronger than women after her time, I do not know. If I look up to anyone, it must be her.

Yet, the world has known meny great kings as well. Djengis Kahn for one, the one who brought Mongolia together and started the Mongolian Empire. He was a fair and just king, and one could not scare him easily, As he was not even afraid of his own peoples most feared God.

Marcus Aurelius was the emperor of Rome. He to was a fair lord. Served his people right. He was the last of the five emperor who ruled during the Roman peace, Pax Romana. He gave women and slaves too, a better place in society. And as he was also one of the biggest Stoic philosophs, he was a somewhat interesting man.

I could probably go on and on, there has been so many great kings. But I'll stop it here, to ask a question;

Who is your favorite person, the strongest person you have heard about, smartest one, dumbest, goodlooking, idk. Just someone you look up to. Tell me something about them. I'm curious.

  "Alice"

Pretty good day

 Snow fell again today. It's cold out. And I went to school in my PJs. Today is a lazy day.

I barely slept last night, as I slept way to much the night before. And again, way to little the night before there.

But tonight I'm not going to sleep at all. I'm going to have myself a lonely movie marathon. Or something. See if I can finally get through one of my books. I really don't have much time to read these days, it's almost depressing.

I love reading. Disappearing into someone elses mind, a different world, be someone different from me. Let my mind slip away, float into the nothingness of everything that does and does not exist. Not think of anything of importance. Or anything slightly sensible for that matter.

I've had some odd dreams lately. They're kind of scary, but not really. They like scare the crap out of me when I first wake up from them, and I can't sleep again for a while. But then, when I think about them later, they are just sooo stupid, I can't help but laugh.

I've also been lying more than usually. Like today, I spat out so many lies in only a cuple of hours.

And then I was told to write a book, cause I have such an awesome fantasy. I've tried before, I don't have the patience. I am actually suprised to still be writing on this blog. It's like over a month since I started it. Probably more like two or three.

Today is a pretty good day. I'm tired, kind of hyper, happy, relaxed, and I don't have any more school until after easter. Tonight is gonna be awesome!

  "Alice"

A smiling end

As life is moving towards the end slowly, and I am just at the beginning of the paths I have left to walk, I wonder where it ends. I think, the day I face my grave, it'll be with a smile on my face, knowing I did all anyone could expect from me while walking along broken roads, on my way to a different road.

I do what I can for friends and family, random strangers, I help those I know how to help, I give to those which I  can. I ask for nothing in return, I don't need them to know or to care. If I know, that's all I'll ever need.

I don't know if this will be me forever, but as I sit in my bed looking at the colorful picture of one amazing memory, I know it has been for as long as I have been me like I am now, and hope it will never change. This is the girl that gives up what she has to see someone else smile. Or just be a little less trubbled.

I highly appreciate a simple "hi" from any person. It's always nice to be noticed. I'm not the loud one that screams names to get the owners attention from the other side of a crowded room. I am the one that walks over and stands there until someone notice me. But I can be the person that walks up to the nobody's sitting in a dark corner, just to ask how their day is going. To see suprised smiles as they tell me it's going well.


I don't ask for much from the world. I expect a simple zero for myself. For my friends on the other hand, what I would not give for them to have the perfect life. No problems, no illnesses, no drama, no nothing. Just a simple but exiting road to walk by. Someone nice to share it with. As long as I see them happy, I can climb the highest mountain and survive falling all the way down to hell. I can walk through burning flames or swim in water colder than ice. I would do anything.

 "Alice"

So many Alices

Little Alice, sitting in a corner, the one nobody notices.
Big Alice, laughing lauder than anyone, the one everybody notices.

Cute Alice, smiling sweetly, the one everyone thinks would never do anything bad.
Bad Alice, smiling seducively, the one that always does something bad.

Smart Alice, with her nose in a book, the one with the good grades.
Dumb Alice, with blonde hair, the one with the funny comments.

Happy Alice, in a good mood, the one who always laughs.
Sad Alice, all by herself, the one you can never see.

Nice Alice, always helping, the one everybody likes.
Mean Alice, with the nasty comments, the one that's always rude.

Sleepy Alice, tired eyes, the one that always wants to sleep.
Hyper Alice, talking fast and loud, the one that never sleeps.

Movie Alice, so strong, the one that never backs down.
Real life Alice, liar, the one thats always pretending.

Home Alice, with a good book, the one thats always relaxed.
Party Alice, drink in hand, the one thats always dancing and having fun.

Loving Alice, giving you big hugs, the one thats so sweet.
 Hating Alice, glaring you down, the one you don't want to know.

  "Alice"

Summer night

This bubbely feeling in my belly, the sun shining, cars comming and going, wind in the trees. I really can't wait for school to end. 1/2 hour left, then I can go.

Energy, way to much energy. I should be taking notes, or I'm gonna have to do it when I get home. But I can't concentrate. I want to be sitting in one of those cars driving away. I want to be driving the car. I don't know where, just go someplace away from here. Pick up some friends on the way, do a road trip.

Two weeks of almost nothing comming up. Summer closing in. Snow going away, cold going away, I can't wait for beach partys, for cool ice cream in the hot summer night. The sun never completely leaving, romantic walks under the gorgeous night sky, go swimming with friends.

I'm a night person. I like the half-dark of summer nights, the cool heat, not to warm not to cold. I love the pitch black of a cloudy winter nights, just staring out in the darkness wondering what's hiding out there. Putting on 5 blankets to lie in the snow outside and look up at the stars slowly moving accross the night sky on a clear winter night.

Everything about nights attract me. The stillness of the world, the not seing what lies in front of you. The knowing of everyone else being inside, sleeping or watching TV.

I loved looking down at the sparkling diamonds of New York lights in the near-christmas night as I was flying away. Walking the streets of the little spot of nithingness where I live, when it seems the world has stopped. All lights turned off, no sign of any living creature. Wathing a great movie with a hot cup of cocoa, throwing a look out the window into the cold darkness. I love it all. I was made for the darkness of the night.

15 minutes left of school. I still didn't take any notes. Sun shining, wind blowing through the trees. Wish I was the one driving away in that red Audi TT. Oh well. Maybe some day.



  "Alice"

The broken road

The paths of life lead me on my way, as I look back at what is behind I can't see anything I would change. What lies behind is what got me to where I am.

All the lies and pretending, it's all it took to get to know me. Learn who I am, learn to love who I am, and not care what other people think about me. It's what guides me foreward, knowing what they will love and hate about me, knowing how to make them love me. Push them to the limit, make them forgive.

I do nothing wrong, I live my life being me. The lies does not cover up for who I really am, they are who I really am. They are the definition of me.

But I am also the one on the outside. The one that knows but doesn't tell. The one that sees, but let them live their lives. They judge me, not themselves. That's how my path was buildt.

And as I walk along broken roads, only getting close to others, the nice, new, fresh once, I find my broken one to be the more tempting. This is a path of interesting past and unpredictable future. This path is the one so many before me walked on, trying to find their way through the maze of trubble, and I find myself wishing to stay here forever. Learn to know the trubble in my way, become friends with it even. Learn how to think like the great philosophs of the old, think new. Learn to love like the penguins do.


The broken road of neverending curses, constant new problems, it is what holds all the secrets. Those that get off it, will never learn. Those that never reach it, will never have the chance. This is my answer to life. This is my path to follow to the end.

  "Alice"

I wonder

Some times I wonder, if the sky is really blue on the other other side of the clouds. Or if there's just more clouds.  And when it's dark at night, is the sun really shining in some other part of the world? Or is it gone, only to come back to me later. Science is not truth. Proof is not truth. Only when you belive do you see the truth.

God is no truth to me. Nor is he a lie. His personality on the other hand, is not all that square. If you had the power to make the world a good place, with peace and love, would you not take it? Well, as I know many actually has the chance of making it much better with all the money they sit on, but are too greedy, I guess that's not a valid question. I know though, if I had the chance to end all bad things just by thinking of a much better place, the world would not know pain. God has that opportunity. He can make us love him. He can make us perfect. So why doesn't he?

My friends are real. Or only imagination? I'm not sure. The truth is I still love them. It doesn't matte if they exist or not. But am I imagination? Am I only a caracter of fiction? I know "Alice" is, cause I made her. Still, she is real. I belive in her. She is truth.

I don't trust in the sky to be blue. Or in my life to be real, or even the sun to shine. I don't trust in much. So you can wonder, if my life really means anything at all. And the pain I feel, I know is real. The pain when I see my friends suffer, the pain when my heart can't have what it desires more, the pain when the world is losing grip, when something is lost.

What is real, is only what can't be denied. What is uncertain is all that's not real.

  "Alice"

paper-cuts

Looking up at a grey sky, I feel like I'm looking up at a blue one. My heart skips a beat, as I walk over the road to she bus station. I smile as I sing Furr- Blitzen trapper silently to myself. There's noone else here yet. The world is a little  ball of complete silence. No wind. The fog a thin layer, barely noticable in the air.

As people start appearing, the bus comes along. The driver says hey to my boobs once again (it's suprisingly normal for him), and I walk back to the exact same seat I sat in Friday morning - right side of the bus, just in front of the back-doors. It's 06.54, the bus is nearly empty.

I wake up again, the world is a dirty place. I fell asleep, and I seem to have waken up in the middle of nowhere. I soon recognize where I am, look around the bus again, there's more people here now. But still pretty few. I start mumbling on the lyrics of Control-Puddle of mudd, and I smile again. He crosses my mind, I shiver, but he doesn't stick this time.

School's as good as always. Trying to get something I don't know what is, not paying attention, getting lost in the grey sky and fog outside the window. Dreams of lands far far away, in worlds unlike this one, worlds with no drama. And I think how easy my life used to be, before drama was a part of it. And I wonder when that changed. And I smile again, knowing I'm not the one making the drama. I'm just a victim of it.

I do my work, I write down my thoughts, I ask the teacher a question, I pack my bags. The class is over. My day has just begun. And as I get today's third paper-cut, I know today is gonna be a good day.

  "Alice"

The other times

Some times it hurts so much I want to rip my heart out.
Other times I love so much I don't know what to do.

Some times I really need a hug.
Other times I can't stand anyone getting near me.

Some times I just want to crawl up in a dark hole and never come out.
Other times I want to laugh and sing and dance for ever.

Some times life is tearing me into treads.
Other times life is all I could ever wish for.

Some times I just sit still an let the world hate me.
Other times I sit still and watch the world love.

Some times I wonder how life would be if I could not hate.
Other times I wonder how life would be if everybody loved.

Some times I wish life was easy.
Other times I think about how much harder everyone elses life is.

Some times I think about how perfect my life used to be.
Other times I think about how perfect her life used to be.

Some times I just let the pain get me.
Other times I live in the moments of joy.

Some times this is all I will ever be.
Other times I can be at the top of the world.

Some times life is just in the way of death.
Other times I have the moments I would never change.

Some times I wonder who I am.
Other times I want to know who he is.

Some times life sucks.
                                 Other times is what makes life worth it.

  "Alice"