What if you lose all?

I often wonder, what would become of me if I lost all? Not just my belongings and money, but friends and family, all that I love and all that loves me, what if all I had left was memories? And I could never find them again.

Am I the one that can stand by and watch everyone get hurt, and when I know there's nothing I can do, really do  nothing? Or am I the one that will try it all, even when I know it will never work, and be destroyed for ever? Would I be able to get over it, and live on, start a new life?

I am not one that lets emotions rule my life. They are barely part of me at all, if you can ever find me upset or angry, really in love, anything like that, you're pretty lucky. Or maybe unlucky. Point being, it doesn't happen very often. I am in a constant good mood, smilind, uncaring, just watching the world spin by to come back and people come and go, love and hate. I don't often bother to spin with the world or become part of what happens.

As I say, I'm worth no more than all my friends and family. As long as they are here, I'm good. I can get by being me, I don't care if everyone else hates me, or the world is going against me, just as long as they are here, they are all I have, and all I am.

Yet I don't know, would it really crush me if I lost all? Or am I the one that would stand up and build a new world, with a new life? Do I really care that much?

I have my moments, when I don't think I do. When I think life would be easier without those that judge me even when they say they never will. Without those who can't just stand by and let me be me and not comment. Because as I grow and change, my friends won't always agree. And they will be mad at me. And I will stand and watch, think how much easier life would be with friends who cares only about others, and never about themselves.

And I know, with noone, I would be nothing. I am no more than my friends and family. For them I lie, pretend, judge, live, love, think, I do all. For them, I am never me, never do I tell the truth and for always will I be only what they want from me. Without them, I am no more.


 "Alice"