The Three

One solid kick in the balls.

I know. It's wrong. And probably not gonna happen. But I want it to. And I am going to try to make it.

Now, that has nothing to do with being kicked in the balls (which by the way is meant literally, since I'm a girl). I get dissappointed when I don't get something I want. Especially when it's a total ban for life. Oh well.

Now to the other thing. I'm not sure why. It's not irresistable. Not... me. Well, I guess it is me. Random is me. New, weird.

But still not completely me. It's different in a new way. A way that I like. And even though it shouldn't, and I know I'm gonna pay for it if it does, I'll do my best to make it happen.

And maybe the price won't be so high. I'd think it's worth the price. It would be fun. Only fun. That's all I want.

And then there's him. Soo beautiful eyes. Blue. Glowing. And the smile, always there, lighting the room up. Another want. Another one that I can't have.

But there's not the kick. It's not only for fun. And not a total ban. I can make it happen, and make it good. And as time goes, I know the price will go down.


But I want that smile to be mine. Those eyes to look at me. I want him.

  "Alice"

To me

Come home to me. See how I walk and talk. See the change. This is not what you wished for. This is what you got.

This is me. I am as tall as the tallest mountain, as deep as the deepest sea. I hold my ground against whatever comes at me.

I am not human. Nor am I anything else. Not that you have seen before at least. I do not feel fear. Not love. Not hate.

I do not feel. I am merely a shadow of life. I live off you. I don't need food or drinks. Strong am I. I am your strengt, opinion, pride.

I am your ego. I know you, all of you, even as you do not know yourself. I can control you when I want to. Make you rise up, or fall down. Beg or turn your back.

You need me. You need me to survive. Without me, you would be empty. You would be too much. I am the all and the nothing. You love me.

Yet you hate me. You hate me for all I am, and all I stand for. You want me to go away. Yet you know, I give you life. I give you strengt and pride. I give you self esteem, and I help you make your stand.

I am not what you wished for. You wanted love without hate, both for yourself and everyone and everything else. You wanted everything to go your way, without having to work for it. You wanted peace and justice. You wanted everything to be right.

I can make that happen. Through me, that can happen. But do not struggle. I can be your pride, I can talk everyone into loving you, I can help you give what you can, and take only what you must.

I can show you love. Through me, you can get it all. Come home to me. See how I walk and talk. See the change. And love it.

  "Alice"

Summer days!

Days fly by in a flair. There's no time. Work, get money, time off, spend money, sleep, read, do this and that, and live life.

Summer has started for sure. First it's raining, two seconds later the sun is shining. Wait another 10 minutes, and the sky is pouring down upon us.

Spend as much time outside as possible. Make as much money as possible. Try not to use so much, and fail bigtime. I'm gonna start saving soon I think. And I have to start reading something else than Tolkien. Something else than fantasy.

Yes, summer has no officially started. One should think that would give me more time for writing, but actually, it gives me no time. Simply because Once Upon a Time, I didn't mind putting aside schoolwork for writing.

Something big is going to come soon though. Huge. So be patient. Just for a little longer.


  "Alice"

J. R. R. Tolkien

And here it is again; how deeply impressed I am by the acomplished mind of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien.

The amazement of the world he made, the complete history of the people, the books written with perfection of detail, not one single simple mistake.

The people he made. The creation. The world, languages, cultures, adventures, heroes. Everything. It is unlike anything I have ever seen or heard of.

Every time I have opened one of his books, this exact same thing have made me wonder where he got it all from? It must have been somewhere. I do not understand how one simple human mind can reach these lengts as his have done.

For his perfection in detail, his not knowing anymore than the reader and (apparent) writer as he writes, his making of a world, a new world, a way to escape. These are all reasons for me to love him.

I am not only talking about The Lord of the Rings now, but all his books, on Arda, Middle Earth, and all else there is within. He actually did start at the beginning, creating the world of his own through The One, making it's story, step by step.

And if it is not completely done, he created the world in one simple human lifetime. How he did it I would have loved to know. I get more amazed for every time I read his books.

And as I say down to every detail, so I mean. For those that have perhaps only seen the movies or read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit (there and back again), I will  tell you, how complete the family trees are, the languages he made, the tiny details as to birth year and perfection of age in every context where mentioned, never one mistake.

And how he mentiones this and that from the old history of middle earth in Lord of the Rings, and then after goes ahead and writed those stories ahead. He must have been  a freak in completing work, and some father to have.

Insane I think I would call him, mad beyond hope. Though where there is no hope, one must find other ways to go on. A genius of which the like, I think, has never been seen. Im caeda an hon. Imperfect, but as good as I can do right now.


  "Alice"

Beautiful days

I know, I really suck at blogging these days, but there's so much else to do! Movies to go see, friends to hang out with, books to read, sun to sit in, partys to go to and so on and on and on.

So today to is a beautiful day, and I'm not gonna stay here long, but tomorrow, you'll get something good, and I'm gonna try to keep it to every second day at least from now on.

  "Alice"

Darkness

Imagine a time when Darkness was not to be feared.

You need not be afraid of what you do not know, for all is good. The smile is ever bright, and never will it fade.

The light shines always we would say, but if it did not, it would make no difference. Day or night makes no difference.

No harm will get to you, as evil no longer exists. There's no fear, because there is nothing to fear. Even the deepest night is filled with bright joy.

I do wonder, how come we fear the dark? It can do us no harm. It's only what we don't know.

I also wonder, when did we start fearing the dark? Has it ever not been feared by humanity?

Tom Bombadil of Tolkiens making says he "Knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless - before the Dark Lord came from outside". The Dark Lord obviously being whoever first tried to take over the world, I wonder who our Dark Lord is?

And then I wonder how come so many finds joy in fear? We watch horror movies, tell ghost stories, play bloody games, and we love it.

Is it only because we need something to keep us down on earth, something to keep us from flying to the rainbow, we have fear? We use it for kicks, but is there any need in it?

What is fear is what drives the wicked. If fear was what drives evil, with no fear there would be nothing to fear. You would nt need to be afraid, all would be good.

Imagine the time when you need not fear anything. When darkness was as highly welcome as light.


  "Alice"

The Green Mile

How time flys by! With the sun out every day, no more studying to worry about, just hanging with friends, having a good time, relaxing, reading and music.

I have to apologize, and do say I have good reason for my 5 days away, though I will not share them with you. What I will tell you is this; I finished Go Ask Alice. I liked it. Go read.

And I started reading Lord of the Rings again. I LOVE Tolkien. Just love him. I also got a new bok, The Green Mile by Stephen King.

I heard he's a good writer from a friend some time ago, but I never read any of his work before. Right now the books in a friends hands as she stole it (with my permission), so I'll read it when I'm done with Lord of the Rings.

That will probably be by the end of this week, knowing me right. So I'll probably get through a lot of books this summer.

I also got some new music, so for everyone;
Get Scared - deepest cut
Casey Abrams - harder to breathe
Bombay Bicycle club - you already know

I'm sure I could give you alot more, but for now, enjoy!

I'm gonna get lost in the world of Arda, made by Eru, once again.


  "Alice"