I don't know anymore. It hurts. It didn't before. I mean, it did, in some ways. But not this way. Not this bad.
And noone knows. Noone knows the torture I put myself through, watching you, forcing myself into looking at you, and pretend it's all ok. Smile like I always do. Pretend I don't mind you.
Maybe if you knew. But you don't. You won't. I will go through this torture. I will pretend to be fine. I will not care. I will lie, smile, laugh, fake it all.
But I really wish I didn't care. Like I pretend I don't. Like you think I don't. Like all my friends think I don't. Usually nothing matters. Usually I don't care.
But you, I can't forget. It hurts, every time I see you. Every time I think about you. I avoid pictures. I avoid talking about you, and listening to them talking about you. It hurts.
Yet, you're not the one that hurts my heart. You're the one that hurts my... I don't know. I can stand the one that makes me want to rip my heart out.
You're hurting my friends. And I'm doing nothing. I'm not standing up for them. Why not? Don't I want to? But I do. This feeling is proof.

You are her friend. It seems she is in the way of everything. She's in the way of my Heaven and in the way of my Hell. I don't mind hurting people that hurts my friends. But if I hurt you, I hurt her as well.
I don't know what to do. I don't want this feeling. I wish I could like you. You're a nice guy, for most. But you hurt my friends one time to many. And I don't know.
I really don't know.
"Alice"
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